$1.99 ยท one-time ยท pay the ball once
Therapy is expensive.
The ball is cheap.
Unlock five inner lives for the ball. Each one breaks down differently. Each one gets its own intake form. The ball will not remember you, but it will appreciate you.
Free forever
The Default Ball
One ball. One slow descent. Free to play, free to spiral.
$0/ forever
- โUnlimited Pong against the depressed AI
- โ60 existential questions
- โEscalating crisis intensity
- โThe 25-rally retirement event
- โDownloadable therapy intake form (PNG)
- โLeaderboard + funniest-question voting
- โShareable session links
Premium ยท one-time
Most ball
The Ball, Multiplied
Five inner lives. Custom intake forms. Therapy Mode. Pay once, the ball is forever.
$1.99one-time
- โฆ5 unlockable ball personalities
- โฆEach personality has its own 60-question pool
- โฆCustom-themed intake forms (FBI redact, temple receipt, etc.)
- โฆTherapy Mode: rallies never end
- โฆMulti-page intake forms (a new page every 12 rallies)
- โฆPersonality-specific live ball animations
- โฆEternal gratitude from the ball
Stripe checkout ยท no subscription ยท the ball will not auto-renew
What you're unlocking
Meet the personalities
Each ball reads from its own pool of 60 questions, animates differently, and gets its own intake form skin when it retires.
๐ฐ
Anxious
โwhat if i miss the next one?โ
PATIENT: THE BALL
โข existential dread ย โ identity crisis
โ kinetic compulsion ย โข fear of edges
STAMP
trembling lines ยท shaky cursive
๐
Nihilist
โis bouncing all there is?โ
PATIENT: THE BALL
โข existential dread ย โ identity crisis
โ kinetic compulsion ย โข fear of edges
STAMP
55% opacity ยท faded gray stamp
โก
Manic
โFAST FAST FAST WHY STOP?โ
PATIENT: THE BALL
โข existential dread ย โ identity crisis
โ kinetic compulsion ย โข fear of edges
โ
โ
โ
STAMP
quadruple stamp ยท chromatic chaos
๐ชท
Buddhist
โthe paddle is also me?โ
PATIENT: THE BALL
โข existential dread ย โ identity crisis
โ kinetic compulsion ย โข fear of edges
STAMP
parchment ยท temple receipt ยท เฅ
+ Therapy Mode: rallies never end. The intake form just keeps growing.
What inanimate objects are saying
Reviews from across the round-object community
โ
โ
โ
โ
โ
โFinally, representation.โ
โ A Tennis Ball, 4 stars
โ
โ
โ
โ
โ
โMade me cry. Then roll.โ
โ A Discontinued Bowling Ball, 5 stars
โ
โ
โ
โ
โ
โSaw myself in this.โ
โ A Marble (deceased), 5 stars
โ
โ
โ
โ
โ
โToo real. Lost flavor.โ
โ A Gumball, 3 stars
โ
โ
โ
โ
โ
โWe are all just spinning.โ
โ A Disco Ball, 5 stars
Things you and the ball both wonder
Frequently asked questions
๐
A small, sincere guarantee
If, at any point, you feel that the ball does not love you back, that is normal. The ball is a circle. It does not have the topology required for love. Please play anyway.
One payment ยท the ball is forever ยท no refunds, only forgiveness